the past millions of days.

i have been super busy, although this is just the beginning of sememster. 18 cr + mentor program+amphitheater project in Waverly + portfolio is not a easy thing. I am again becomes a moody panda. Being emotional and straightforward at the same time, is not easy.

but , first thing first. lets talk about the amphitheater project. Ann I have been working on the outdoor amphitheater project every now and then from the summer. Sept.13th is the our first formal presentation to parks and leisure services in Waverly, with public involved. so in the first few weeks of school, preparing for the final presentation has been the major part of our life, oh and Datum ( i will talk more about it later). computer modeling..plot plan...research...detail drawings...sections..diagrams...perspective renderings...etc. the stuff that is always on the presentation list.  We didnt work extremely hard during the first week of school, schedule got edited and edited and edited. our schedule got pushed back for a week. our procrastination results in our extreme busy weeks before the presentation. During the 2 weeks, all we do is this project...well and of course we still try to make it to class, do some homework, and do some studio work. Both of us have been living on an average 3-4 hours sleep per night. The quality of work produced is fine. Although, lots of the things that we want to do is not done. On the presentation day, we planned on leaving at 3:00 but didnt head out until 3:45. ..I was driving, and Ann was making a model in the car. that moment, the only thing popped up in my mind ...is that i hope this is not what real practice is....MAKING MODEL IN THE CAR!!!???  the ppt was put together in...5 min, which means...the ppt is out of order...and a mess. but anyways, we get to run with it. honestly, i thought it's just gonna be a friendly presentation, with the few people that i already know, and the low-key setting. I thought it's just gonna be easy. HOWEVER, the first thing the public talked about was...WHY ARE YOU GUYS DOING THIS???? WHO TOLD YOU TO DESIGN THIS????that scared me...Glad that Ann stood up and said.."It's totally me!" We wanted to do it, so we did it! that IS truely what it is.

the board member of leisure services directed the discussion towards the design and its idea, so that cooled down the arguments. While  Ann was acting as a pissed off architect, i "pretended" to be a nice friendly asian. I think that worked out pretty well. We showed to them that we have a strong believe in our design, but at the same time we dont want to piss them off too much. but overall, even the people opposed to the idea did say that they really like the design and it's idea. The project got favored by all board members so that we get to present to city council soon in Sept.26th. woot！

We went out to this fancy restaurant..well a fancy restaurant in Waverly....and then went back to Ann's home and ready to pass out. oh..and before passing out..i did talk to Jason for a couple of hours about what's been going on. i always talk about my problems...but i do hope he's doing well over there. :)

I guess i no longer talk to jason about architecture anymore. Not just that i normally dont agree with what he's talking about , but that i have a hardtime organizing my thoughts and say it clearly. AND, i am not as well educated.....as he is. DUH he doubled my age. But i have always been able to adapt a new perspective after talking to him. and by saying that i do mean it. and i think thats one of the reasons that i finally made up my mind to eventually teach, i want to have an impact on people's life with sincerity and honesty. I never portray myself of being nice, although that will be a nice character. But nice has been an over used term, when one havs nothing to say about a person, people normally just describe him as nice. i guess i dont care about being a nice person, but i want to be a good person. speak with sincerity and honesty, speak the truth and hold tight to my belief. not sure this is a right thing to do, but anyways, no body likes bitches. LOL

odd

now it's just odd walking on the fifth floor. it's so dark, not like the rest part of the college.
and this reminds me of those nights, or mornings more specifically, looking for Jason in his office. or hide myself in the triangle room to figure it out.
now that i pass his office intentionally, Samamtha takes it all. I can see her proud wide smile.
no offense.

i think i am for sure talking deprived. i have so much things to talk about, yet no one is there.

jason is busy.

what matters

i am no longer scared, nor worried. cuz i know at the end of the day, everything is gonna fall in its place.

asking what do you learn the most from this trip so far. I say is how to face the unknown. There's days that
i do not know where i am staying, who i am meeting, what i am gonna do. instead of being panic, i learned just
to go with it. Not saying that i am nolonger trying, but i am no longer in need to control over thngs and more willing to fall back and accept what is given.
i trust that god will provide. we had damaged our rental car by backing into a pipe in San Francisco, but found someone to fix for free. i had no clue
where to stay in Eugene for the night, and Josiah was willing to reschedule his camping trip for me. I had no clue how i am gonna survived living with a
big male cat at night, and turned out that the cat decided to not come into the house at all! i had running out of time get to the train station, turns
out that the car rental company receptionist asked their customer to gave us a ride there, we  were literally 1 min early.
it's amazing how everything works out. lots of time, i know without the guardian of God, it cant be true.

i find out what mmaters the most to me. What are the things i am willing to give up time, food, and set aside other
things for.i like good cuisin, meeting new people, shopping, and nature. but when it comes to art show, architecture, theater. all above
can be given up. The kinda joy that i dwells in when viewing arts is non-replacable

The way people look at me no longer matters. I have been lost myself by partying with people, or hanging out with certain people.
i thought i would be more "fun" this way, but i know i dont fit in as much as i want myself to be. most of time, i know
something is missing. and that is not about God, religion, belief etc. Myself was missing. i do not know what i care, what
i am passionate about, how i want to live, etc. by finally having a period of time of myself, and making decisions almost
entirely on myself, what i had been doing was absolutely not the way that i want it to be. i am living based on others judgement
on me, paying too much attention on what other people doing, instead of living my own life. i met this guy called daniel
from couchsurf. He's an archietcture student just graduating from UC-berkely. he never denied that he's a lay back architecture
student and he said he did well enough in other classes that he no longer has to care about the projects. although i am
almost entirely the opposite, but i gave respect to him. it's not easy for one to admit that he's just not into his major.
Besides, i see his passion more in traveling, and arts. His planning on couchsurfing and backpacking and hitchiking to Alaska
the week rgiht after school ends. With the same method, he's gonna go tru all the states: all the way to the east from San
Francisco, and all the way back.Then he's gonna do the same around Europe. How awesome it is. I dont know about you, but
i give high respect to people that knows what they are passionate about. plus he has an architecture job lined up anyways....
He said he wanted to have this trip cost "nothing" for him. which means instead of using his savings...he wanted to earn
money at the same time on the trip to achieve "net zero". he was one of those street artists when he was around 14 or so,
so he decided to do the same thing, although he's not yet sure what to sell.

and it's very true that you are who you are, the people that matter wont care, the people that care dont matter.

art should be generously offered to the public.--portland

I never regret going to Iowa State for undergrad, although now i feel desperated to leave. If it's not iowa state,
i probably will never realize that there's such desire in me towards, art, theater, and nature. and i dont know if i
will go on this backpacking/couch surfing trip to discover myself.
i did have noticed my desire towards art, but the experience of being in portland convinced me. When there's so much choices
lay in front of me, every choice made mean not only a decision, but a desire.
the first day that i am in portland, within 2 hours after i got off the train, 2 blocks away from the apartment, i ran into
my first concert in Portland. It's one of the summer concerts held by Portland art performing Center. so i sat there started sketching
and enjoying some music ( does this sounds really nerdy????)...but anyways, so i was drawing this view, and there's one building
that shows up a slice of itself in my view...so i was looking at it, trying to get some details. the little small windows,
yellow color, with some orange pillar at the front. right at that moment, i realized, that was the michael grave building.
holy cow! i was so proud of myself....ahahah...ahahhaha....
so the next day i went to the japanese garden in washington park in the morning, and fortunate enough to make my way out to
Columbia Gorge. i actually biked and hiked thru  6 waterfalls, and made some friends. definitely amzing and worth going
trip, plus biking is huge here in portland, if i dont at least bike in portland...that's a fail. i came back to have dinner
with kathleen and Maggie at the japanese restaurant, that was amazing too, very well made sushi and noodles. Sake is great..
and strong as well.
then we went to check out the art show on 13th street that i heard about during my trip to columbia gorge. alright..the
rest is hillarious,....me and Kathleen, the 60+ year old lady ran after the street car ....right after we got on the car
i realized i left my phone in the japanese restaurant. So we got off right away. T-T.....what a panda...so anyways..we finally
made it to 13th street, for a while, we thought the art show was over..since it's already like...after 9pm...we didnt know
how long the show is gonna last.but we kept walking...and the show is still there!!! lots of artist, set up their onw boucher,
put up their art works and try to sell it to people. artwork on display includes: paintings, photography, sculpture, jewlery,
clothes...multimeida print etc. i was most impressed by a painting of a night sky, and a metal giant sculpture. the former is
composed by 3 different pieces, all dark blue, with a couple of tree branches, and that was it. although sounds stupidly
simple, i found it breathtaking in viewing it. The image was present so simple, but the content became rich through the
viewing of audience. the last sculpture is a circle..with a hole in it, and it's moveable. with the same boldness, the sculpture
is more playful. It's so simple, but i never get bored looking at it. if one turn it around, it can appear to be almost another
sculpture.
we came back late that night and i was all pumped up and happy.
the next day, i was gonna head to Eugene that late night after Carmen concert--another free opera in the amphitheater of Washington
park. so i went to the chinese garden first in the morning, had some tea there. The tea i had was amazing, the best i have
ever had. it's called the rose pedal black tea. i always like the bitterness of black tea. it cleans up my body system,
wakes me up with it's bitterness, and calms me down with it's warmth. with the smell of the rose, it's just fantastic, so feeling
being loved. and when i was drinking tea and feeling being loved, and at the same time fail to get a hold of any crater lake
day tour....i decided to stay in portland for one more day to watch les miserable. it happens to be touring when i was there,
and i have beening wanting to see it for 10 years. unbelievable. so after that i went to the portland art museum..and then Carmen
afterwards. Carmen was great, the music of Carmen has always been stuck in mind ever since childhood.. this is more of a family event, that
lots of parents take their kids or grand parents over to listen to the opera. great solos, though i think i had more fun watching
the family hanging out than listening to the opera........such an ignorant panda.
i got back to town, and right after i got off the light rail, i ran into another show!! it's again one of those series summer
festival events, and this one is called flicks on bricks, cuz the pioneer square was made of brick. i thought it was a concert at
first...but turns out that it's a show. They blowed up a huge air screen and put up: WEST SIDE STORY. how exciting!!!!
altough it's an old version of the show, i have never remembered myself enjoying a show that much, i am totally into it, and
not quite noticing whats going on around. i cheered up with the dance, and fascinated with the story line. Although i did notice
something....at a couple times of the show after dance, the audience will clap. I found it very amazing. there's hundreds of
audience sitting on the steps of pioneer square, but have you ever thought they will clap??? do you ever clap to a TV show???
i found that the show was great enough that people spontaneously react to it, and at the same time, this is a group of great audience
that knows how to appreciate art. I also noticed one beggar who is an old lady. she walked around asking for money to get
dinner. She was almost scary looking...reminds me of the ugly bad lady that offered snowwhite a poisoned apple... but regardless
of her ugly looking, and her empty stomach, she would dance/move with the music show.
i think the portland people are born in the world of art. ( this is not quite making sense....)

letter to family groupers.

Halo Family groupers,

me and Jiayi just arrived safely in San Francisco. (well...more specifically...Davis).

I finished the first half of the trip by myself from Las Vegas to Seattle, to Portland and to Eugene. This is backpacking and couchsurfing story.

Every night before i go to bed, i thank god for giving me a rewarding day.

Every day i wake up and thank god that i am still alive.

There is a good number of days that i do not know where i am staying for the night, who i will meet, and what i am going to do. But everything works out perfectly at the end of the day. I dont think it will happen without god's blessing and guardian.

Everyday I pray that i will  move adventurously also cautiously under the guidance of God.

The purpose of the trip is to get out of my comfort zone.

I want to meet new people, find out my deep passions, and be exposed to different cultures. so far, i think it's a very successful trip. Couchsurfing was one of the best decisions that i made. it could be dangerous at times, but for me the risk of facing the unknown is worth taking. I am still happy, alive, and with a new perspective.

Thanks for all that have prayed for me and Jiayi. Now we are entering the "wild California"going to face more unknowns, and i will start driving tomorrow.

keep praying. :)

couch surfing.

what couchsurfing has taught me.
so far, i stayed with 3 different hosts. one american lady of 60 some year old, have been volunteered around the world for over 10 years. one asian couple that are students in UW-seattle, of my age, one american lady of 50 working as editor for Oregonian.
so yeah...i have been staying with older people a lot...but dont take it wrong, they are absolutely energetic people, and are definitely fun to hangout with, and learn from.
the first lady, joyce, i found her on the day i have to have a place to stay. she's very helpful, willing to listen and fun to talk too. at first, i was kinda scared of her giant cat...and it smells kinda fishy in her apt....but after actually talking to her, knowing her better, i found out she actually have a very golden heart, and a very postive attitude.  small things like she will keep the giant noisy cat that her friend abandoned after 8 weeks of having him, and raise him till now, she will wear pretty to cheer up her mom, who is having a bad backache.  oh ....and she teaches something...that i cant remember..but it's about volunteering...i think.
the 2nd couple, i also found them the day that i have to move in. when he first called...i was a little disappointed, cuz his english doesnt sounds very...fluent...and with a strong accent. and he didnt provide any information on how should i get to his place..and when. but whatever...i figured my way out.  but when i met both him and his girlfriend, i started to think that they are actually very awesome people. his girlfriend is at my age, but seems to be ...mentally a lot mature, in how she talks, what she knows, what she reads. her observation of the city was great, and can even provide driving directions, touring directions to her boyfriend. not like most girlfriends just sit in the car and wait to be driven around. She has her passion as well, she like bars and drinks, but discovered tons of bars that are well designed and serves quality drinks. at least, in my view, we dont just drink to get drunk, drink is like any events in life, it's an experience. an experience turns out the best in a well built environment, with quality service, and respectful people. and speaking of those restaurants, i have been really enjoying checking out nice pretty restaurants, and just sit there enjoying their food. food can be artwork too, it's creation of the chef. and sometimes, the feeling is just heavenly! She, actually both of them are very helpful in providing information of the west coast, from history, to geology, to the best restaurant, best bar, where to get the best view in the city. it's just so informative. and they actually drive me around the big seattle, so called king county to take some skyline pictures.
and the last lady so far...is very passionate about life and work. she is great at talking. she had a son that taught in Shanghai for 2 years, and now studying nursing in des moines, graduating this august. she lives in those high class condo, which i am very glad. :) We talked about everything, her couchsurfers, her work, her husband, her kids, her city. and she knows a lot about her city cuz...she works in the newspaper, and has an awesome habit of reading before heading to bed. the first night she cooked me some dinner and we had some wine together. that glass of wine hit me badddd, so i started talking a lot.......lol.  she showed me around the city, we planned to eat up on the roof top of macy's. we took a walk to the waterfront. she provides lots of website that i can find what to do for the day, and what tour to go on. she even gave me her apartment key...and asked her daughter to come over to eat with us. so the next day, we ate at the japanese restaurant, and went to see the art shows on the 13th street. suprisingly we did lots of things together...although..she's at my mom's age! i want to be like that when i am ....at my mom's age...



alright...idk how much you want to read about this...but i write that down..cuz i think it's been a very great experience for me , very great.

Amazing Days everyday

so this is official.
this trip is turning out amazing everyday.
i left las vegas on the 31st of July and arrived in Seattle on the same day. i stayed at a hotel that night not knowing where i am staying at all during my time in Seattle. somehow, deep down, i know that it's all gonna work out. worst, i will just pay more to get a hotel, or pull an alnighter hoping that nobody come bug me.
the next morning, one of my millions of sent request was approved although for only one night of my stay here in seattle. she sent me her phone number, address, and how to get there etc. i happily agreed on the living situation, and later found out she had a big cat from the profile.(how did i not see that earlier??) but anyways...sometimes...you just have to do it......
the first minute i got her house, i was a little scared. it's a very cozy house, but somehow it smells very fishy....must be the cat's fault. but she's a nice old lady, and we talked, she gave me some directions, and i left on my journal. i first got to Pike's market. seriously, i wanted to eat every single thing in this place. bakery, coffee, ice cream, fruit, seafood. yes...fruit fruit fruit!!! how does iowa never have such amazingly fresh food?!!??!! and vegetables. i would be loving iowa so much more...if it does.  everything there just smells awesome.....nomnomnomnom.
i kept walking along the market and hit the waterfront. i walked a lot more...like 10 blocks...to the seattle center. and there is another highlight place of my day.
the first thing that i did was to sketch. i sketched parts of a whale...that sounds like a easy sketch huh? lol yes it is....and then i sketched the space needle designed by john graham...lol...but some how i ruined it. what a bad sketch.
the EMP or...MEP is designed by frank ghery. somehow i didnt know this building until my host told me about it... some colored metal pieces came together.....yeah....frank ghery.it's very interesting that his inspiration was coming from the rock and roll feeling...without being too literal about it. and i like how the colored metal pieces reflect eachother,and gave a color on the,otherwise plain ground.
the international fountain was a hit. it's just a fountain, a big fountain. but people are having soooooo much fun getting wet, running around. i took a good break over there, took some pictures, and actually did some 1min sketch of people running around. the sketches didnt turnout so bad, at least i like them.....
taking the monorail after visiting the space needle (it was alright, but good that i can have a broad view of the entire city), and arrived back in downtown area. lots of places are closed already, but luckily , i found borders that provide wi-fi. check my emails. and luckliy and suprisingly, i found another couch!!! Thank God and the way that he provides and sustains. :)

 gotta go.

the beat coffee house

this is Day 3 in Las Vegas. i decided to wander around in the downtown las vegas, which is no longer the main tourists' spot after the strip takes over. however i was just planing on visiting this place, see neon museum, and the wedding chapel, as recommended.
i was absolutely misled by the name...neon museum, it's by no means a museum, architecturally. the neon on signs are all over the old downtown area, mostly on fremont st. some of them are in the neon alley, which is kind of a shady, sketchy place. without neon on, i almost just missed it. after talking to some locals,  i found out that neon museum is actually a 3mile long walk around the downtown area. I went into the neon alley, most stores are vacant, only two are open: a just opened food store...and a jewlry store on sale.......T-T. So i kept walking, dissapointed that i didnt came here at night to see the neon signs actually lit up. then i followed someone into a cafe shop called THE BEAT. i wasnt looking for coffee, not looking to eat, i just followed. this is absolutely fantastic place. great jazz music, locals, have bunch of art postcards on the counter table, old jazz discs at the back of store. it's a coffee shop filled with life, art, passion. compare to the rest of downtown area, the tourist place. this is so much alive, so much real. I am falling love in the coffee shop.

instead of going straight to order, or actually before i went to the i got caught up on another sign. Emergency Art Gallery. following the sign, walking out thru the backdoor of the coffee shop, i found this amazing gallery. it's a gallery of different studios along hallways. it's kinda like a art residency from my point of understanding. and artists put up their work in their own studio, personalize their door, and their wall territories. most of them are not open on Sundays(oops, another bad timing) but most of them are hanging around in the coffeeshop that i mentioned earlier. i went back to the coffee shop, some old guys started playing music. great music as well. i sat down after ordering a specialy daily sandwich from the counter. the lady next to me, who also owned a studio upstairs, told me the password of the internet was : haveaniceday. isnt it so sweet, so awesome? i am soooo in love. and btw, the sandwich is awesome, i am just about to finish the entire thing.
more pictures deserve to be uploaded later on. geeez i am so in love.

:)

Transition Center

right after coming back to Ames from the cashman's house, i went to see Evangeline off for the very last time. i am hoping this will not be the last time, but will surely be the last one in Ames. i am on my way out as well.
it's not easy to say goodbye like this...to someone that for the whole time i act like i dont care. Deep down, i know we have been having to many good time together, sharing too much with each other: happiness, pride, anger, sadness, and the darkest secrets. For a friend like this, even a hug seems too emotional, but yet far less than enough.

i cant remember anymore..how do we become so close  and ended up using the same facebook profile picture? how do we start talking about God? everything seems to start from there.

but i cant remember.

but she hugged me before she left compare to the first time she left for st.louis she would not want to hug me.her family's car is fully packed, she sat at the back with millions of things resting on her. suddenly, something started blinking and making noises. it's her stupid transformer. from toy studio. from the period of time i dont want to do a project together with her, from the period of time that i always gave her a lecture. I told her to get the transformer in goodwill. now the transformer is way too solar powered that it's not gonna keep quiet for the rest of the trip.

we will still keep in touch. one day, she will make her way to new york or boston. and me, idk by the time she's in Boston or new york, where will i be. maybe in the states, or europe, or australia, or mid east. i willl still tell her my happiness, my anger, my pride, my sadness, and those darkest secrets.

peace out girl scout. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cant really say goodbye to anybody.
this might be the last time to see jason as well.
well...he can still come to my graduation.
it's hard when "i have kicked him around for entire 2 years."....and now i have to say goodbye.
so i just turned back and said goodbye on my way out. just like any other days in the past. it's like..the next time i come to COD, he will still be there, he is always there.
but no, the next time, he wont be there.

6.11pm miss call from Jason.
but i cant call back cuz i will just endup crying....not sure why...but yes i will....
such an emotional panda.

sometimes i wonder, how do i even graduate? i will be crying so hard everyday that i have to be away from the people that i have "kicked around for 4+years."
it's come to the point that everybody is on their way out.

how do i say goodbye?

a section cut

studying a section cut of ferrero rocher..is just as weird as dividing chocolates with knife. however, someone did the latter, cannot under stand the former action. Although, the former action was resulted from the the latter. hmmmmm....

the picture that i took was slightly off focus....so i will take one later i guess..

a way better life is laid ahead.

Something unexpected.

honestly, it does make me feel hurt, down, upset.  for a while...a long while, i forgot i am an Asian. i forgot i am different. well...you are different too.

and maybe it has nothing to do with ethnicity. i just have to be better and better and better.

F@@@ it. Iowa.

alright. i need to get out of here. i am not really being extreme here, otherwise i would have taken a summer studio and get out of this place almost 6 months early. yes i want to get out of here, Iowa is absolutely not the place. i am still willing to learn patiently. Learning is an ability, and i own it.

i am about to travel to the west coast. not much scared, although i know bad things can happen. i might not think it will be a big deal now, but it might changes my life. so lets just hope that awful things wont happen. i have always been adventurous, and i want to learn to move forward with caution.

 the other day i was reading a book called outside lies magic. Here's a few quotes "Exploration is a liberal art, because it is an art that liberates, that frees, that opens away from narrowness. And it is fun.""exploration happens best by accident, by letting way lead on to way, not by following a schedule down to track"

so i think it's a really good idea to go and explore..maybe some awareness can be built into mindfulness. so maybe the goal of the trip is to forget about who i am...and live like a local there. this is editable. haha.

I want to go to the west coast for grad school. more specifically San Francisco. 

alright. i am still kinda mad right now. angry panda.

a lot

There was a lot going on since the last time i wrote down anything. and ...there's still a lot going right now.
but yesterday...with all those businesses going on, i was kidnapped to visit one professor with another professor.

Jon Rice. 86 years old. taught Architecture in ISU for 40 years....his students including Mark E. Mitchell S. Jason B etc. etc. he now lives in those nursing apartments with his wife. we were told, 10 people die in that building every week.

This guy knows his time is near. although i do hope that he has another few years of life. It's true we are all lucky.

so we are chatting. we talked about things going on in CoD. and i saw the 86-year-old professor teared down.  skipping the detials. this department was once ranked 5th in the nation, but did not even made into top 20 in the recent year. what was happening in the past 10 years?

Jon shared chocolates with us. nomnom chocolates. on the box, he crossed the coconut filling chocolates cuz these are the ones that he doesnt want. whats really makes me sad and started to think a lot was that the once honorable architecture professor, most sensitive to forms and shapes, can not line up the chocolates with the cover according to their shapes.

we will all have that day. one day we will all fail to figure out the most common issues in our life.

i know i am visiting him soon. i am even willing to go down there regularly to talk to him if possible. I like people that are passionate, people that care.

其实那。。。。

其实那。。我真的有在偷偷的希望他快快回来。所以有时候还是会什么都不作，等着他来联系。明明所有的联系方式都没有了。。
我确实。。还是在期待他回来。。。。大笨蛋

GRE done

GRE done.

yesterday was a damn hot day. i went to des moines to take my GRE test. everything is just as expected.....except that...i was chosen to do another essay at the very end. THAT ALMOST RUNINED MY DAY...until they told me it's not gonna be counted towards my score. k, i guess that's fine. :)

so the test went fine. and then..i went shopping afterwards. i think shopping is just one of my addictions......but there's not to much stuff in gordan creek yesterday. Lots of deals....but nothing that i really like. so i got two tops..and some cosmetics. :P

I got in Ames at around 7..08....and have a concert performance at ..7:30..well practice techniquelly starts at..7:00..at Bandshell park in Ames. we sing some old damn song....and ...then sing with the band. THE BAD THING IS.....i didnt know..we were singing different songs with the band...well..i knew..but..i lost parts of my memories on that.....T-T...opps. so..for the 4 songs that we sing with the band...i didnt have notes...and was literally singing...LALALA......and looking over everybody else's shoulder.....trying to read their notes.......I think someone is recording too...well..it's pretty obvious....i dont have music memorized...oh..forgot to mention that i am ...right in the middle...under the microphone.....T-T

well....but my life is going great!

Ballroom dance tonight is aweeeesomeee!!!! get to get mike to come with. he likes it too. hmmmmm i finally learned to relax myself and just follow the guys...looking over their shoulders..instead of looking the feet....and it went way better. just go with it.

oh..and i am all determined to get tanned....so me an VQ went to central campus...for picnic...:). THAT WAS HOT!!!!!! not sure i am any tanner than my...natural tan tho. but we have some great strawberries...and great ice cream....and great cookies..and of course lots of other food. nomnomnom. and we talked a loooot....and killed a few bugs.

great day....i am tired tho.
:)

因为你不喜欢我。

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不明白
我为什么会知道你那么多的信息

------------------------------题记

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不明白
你和谁在一起干了什么
对我来说都是一种纠结
我会乱揣测,乱生气
即使我们什么关系也没有

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不明白
你的一句不在乎
我为什么会那么在乎

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不知道我打出那一句句
那你玩吧！我不打扰时
内心的纠结

因为不喜欢我
所以你不知道我的手机里面存的都是你的信息
不开心时，看着看着，不自觉的傻笑
因为感觉你就在身边
自我安慰

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不知道
你对我的忽冷忽热
总是让我不自觉被你掌控
一半甜蜜，一半忧伤

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不知道
在我失去你信息的日子里
我是多么的沮丧

因为你不喜欢我
所以你寂寞的时候不会想起我
而我却在时时刻刻的想着你

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不知道
你在我眼里多么的重要
而我知道
我在你眼里却是十分的渺小

因为你不喜欢我
所以你以为我不会关注你的校内有什么变化

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不知道
我等待着你的关心
却等到我关上了心

因为你不喜欢我
所以你不明白
你的一举一动对于我来说
都是指挥棒
指挥着我的心情和生活
你没有关注过我
没有在乎过我

有时候，很想念一个人
但我不会给TA打电话
因为
打电话给TA
对方冷冷的一句“喂”
会让我不知说什么好
还是不打比较好　
发个信息吧
好怕对方不回信息
要不~就算回了也就简短到让人心疼的一个“哦”
以前
我们什么都可以谈
现在
连电话都通不了了
这种感觉并不好
此后
当想TA
也不能够再打电话给TA

想念一个人
很想听到TA的声音　
等听到了TA的声音
也许
就是另一回事了　
想像中的一切
往往比现实美好些　　
想念中的那个人　　
也比现实中的可人些
思念好像是遥远
有时偏偏感觉很亲近
可电话的那一头
又好像很飘渺　　　

May God Bless us.

one of my good friend's mom passed away in the passed few days. this is pretty shocking.

i pray that god will keep bless us, bless our heart guide my friend through the hardship. May god bless the heart of her mom so she rest in peace. so we all finally be in peace. Amen.

WHY IS ARCHITECTURE TAKING SO LONG?!?!?!!??!

SHUT UP. ARCHITECTURE IS A CALLING......@.@

The below poster has been my mission, my inspiration and my encouragement. It has answered my questions occurred during the last 4 years.

oh haha.

所以说，在一次证明这个世界上没有丑新娘。长成那样婚纱照一拍还是美的不行。所以说。。。我有时候也完全不是安于这样一个人的现状。也恨不得自己可以马上穿上婚纱结婚。但是想来想去周围男人是有的，却没有我想要结婚的人。完全没有。所以前提不成立。。再想也白搭。

就是这样。。

况且我打好的年华不想要在这里荒废掉。。。。。。。。外面的世界多美好。

stressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssed

So i am fairly stressed. let me just tell you what i ate for dinner and you would be able to know how restless
i am now.
 i ate..doritos, a bowl of rice (which i seldom do) some HYVEE CHINESE...which means some greasy fat chicken....and a crappy bowl of soup. i would have ate a cake too...but i was worrying if i end up wasting time taking a nap after dinner...that will not be good.
so yeah...i am stressed....GRE issues are sooooo hard!!!!!!!!!
gr...well..only a week from now. I am gonna gooooo shopppping after my GRE test.!!!! this is my only motivation right now...

keep writing ....keep fighting....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Although right now i am pretty comfortable just spending the time by myself doing things that i will be proud of later on. sometimes dirty thoughts sill hit me  and distract me.
I tend to think that i am not good, anyone else is better, whatever anybody else has is better, whatever decision anybody else made is better. I tend to not accept who i am, what i like. I thought architecture should just be COOL...not cute. BUT.whatever i do...tends to be lovely....well...in most cases. sometimes it's aloof too , i guess. @.@
and whenever i think i am better.....i will feel sorry later on. cuz that's just arrogant. .. A true lady should be meek and gentle and smart. always put on a smiley face.

will you still like me.....and my work...if one day you found out i am nothing but a teddy bear hugger?

well not sure why i uploaded these pictures. I am just homesick for a period of time that i am proud of who i am...enjoy what i do, and proud of what i did.

MAN!! this is just last semester..and i am talking like a 40 year old lady........

happy making...always:)

Written by Oriah Mountain Dreamer 

你以什么为生我不感兴趣。我想知道的是你因什么而痛苦，想知道你是否敢于去梦想满足心灵的渴望。

你的年龄我不感兴趣。我想知道的是你是否甘当傻瓜去追求爱、追求梦想和经历生活的惊险刺激。

是什么磨圆了你的棱角我不感兴趣。我想知道的是你是否触碰过自己受伤的心，是否因为生活辜负过你而变得豁达，还是因为害怕遭受更多的痛苦而变得无助、紧闭心扉。

我想知道你是否能痛苦着我的痛苦而不是避开它，躲着它。

我想知道你是否能欢乐着我的欢乐，是否能狂舞一曲，让快乐溢满你的指尖和脚趾，而不是告诫我们：要小心翼翼、要现实、要牢记做人的局限。

你说的是真是假我不感兴趣。我想知道的是你是否为了忠实于自己而敢于令他人失望，是否敢于承担背叛的骂名而不愿违背良心，是否能做到诚实可靠从而值得信赖。

我想知道你是否能领略美，是否因为生命的存在而追溯生命的起源，我想知道你是否愿意接受你我的失败并仍然敢于站在湖边，对着银色的满月大声回答“是”。

你栖身何处、有多少金钱我不感兴趣。我想知道的是一夜伤心和绝望、一身疲惫和伤痕之后，你是否照样起床，履行应尽的义务，养育待哺的孩子。

你有何背景、何以成为现在的你我不感兴趣。我想知道的是你是否愿意与我一道，站在烈火中央而不退缩。

你在哪里受的教育，学的什么以及与谁为师我不感兴趣。我想知道的是一切消逝之后是什么在内心支撑着你，你是否能够独自面对自己，是否真正喜欢你在空虚的时刻结交的伙伴

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
For your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals or
Have shrivelled and closed from fear or further pain
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own;
If you can dance with wilderness and let ecstasy fill you
To the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful,
Be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty every day,
And if you can source your life from God's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children
It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the Fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. 
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. 
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, 
And if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

oh wonderful~

In this video, you can see me and mike walking back and forth grabbing food; standing and talking to the 3rd years for a while..and sitting along the windows to just chill. this is just fun to watch.

ahhh this is just fun.

http://vimeo.com/25396682
and here's a little link of another video. it's great too. there's me elegantly reaching out for food. i can tell it's me although it's just a silhouette...LOL. and there's me cheerfully listening to mike's comment " i thought this is marshmallow and tomato!!!!!" ahahh what a great night.

you hear me cry. God

不要问，不要等，不要犹豫，不要回头。没有答案的时候，就独自出去见一见这个世界。
Don't Ask, Dont wait around, Dont hesitate, Dont look back. When you dont have an answer, just go out on the pleasure of seeing the world alone.

"appetite Fulfilled"

So...This is Mitchell's Art event on Saturday in Des Moines. called "appetite fulfilled".
not a suprise....he chose to host it in a restaurant. lol. and no lie...the event name convinced me to go. well...i would have went anyways....the name just made it better. and this might be actually relevant to his idea of....people are food driven...(well...i summarized this in my words).
but very true.

The restaurant was set up in a very interesting way. it's like...so enclosed, not inviting at all from the outside. However, it's actually a friendly environement/event. That people are welcomed to social/eat/look at art. so techniquely.....the restaurant set up from the outside is pretty ALOOF too. But the "content"(what happens inside) is friendly and rich. In other words, it's mysteriously wonderful.
ALOOF is mysteriously wonderful anyways.......LOL
but speaking of the the design that covers the restaurant skin, it's just wonderful!~~love it~~~(you can see it in the picture) and it's just paper!! it's just paper!!! now i might just be obsessed with paper too (after my obsession with nails)....paper is such humble material, but can appear so different thru the hands of artists/designers.

well...Mitchell never provides bad food. food is very elegantly present. nomnomnomnom.

i just need more of such events to keep me inspired and updated.
oh..and one big mistake....why had i never thought of taking drawing classes in DSM art center....they should be way better!!!!!!ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh well..

Cheers!

the great white bear

mahhhh i want to put this up. love it. love it a lot.

prayer time.

I want to be a well -tempered panda.....and god please give me wisdom in planning the trip to the West Coast, so that i get to places that i want to and it wont cost me much. and God open my eyes to discover my goal on this trip. God...help me prepare GRE too...pray that i will be more dilligent, more focused, and less stress. and stop eating that much. I pray in name of Jesus. Amen.

GRE is making me FAT

alright...this test is making me feel really dumb. what is the thing on my shoulder???? a ball full of AIR!?!!?!?...
i am kinda stressed too....i found myself pretty restless....this is not a good sign......well..have to get over it. get over it. ...this is not a good sign.

Panda. Enjoy, experience, love every moment of your life. enjoy every bite of food, every drop of tea. Everything will be ok.

holyyyyyy crap!i am sooo happy!

i went to Ames Choral Society today for the first time and sang for 2 hours. =)  people there are sooo nice and sweet too.
and i am gonna perform in less than a month!!!

singing always make me happy. Cant belive i havent been singing in a choir for soooo LONG, considering i have been in choirs for around six years from Junior high school. mannnnnnn i am happy. my soul is so lifted!!!!

"NEVER GIVE UP WHAT YOU ENJOY DOING"---katja.

i am one happy panda~

所以这个叫做。。。

无为而治嘛！

do nothing and have it done. but it's not really NOT DOING ANYTHING, but do it indirectly.

thinking of a new hair...

love the edges and color...

Design Development

I am just redesigning myself. so when chances come, i am able to grab them.

I just need a better me, so you can find me.

a better way to describe what i am doing.

就在英国这个阴沉的午后突然收到Yvonne阿姨的来信，Yvonne阿姨是我三年前最开始接触灵修时碰到的同伴，三年了一直都没见过面，只是通信交往，可是每次读到她的信都会泪流满面，这封信我想分享给我所有的好姐妹。好好爱自己真的比什么都重要。

我跟她说她的信写得很好，可以让我发到我的校内让更多的人看到么，她说只要不写她的中文名字就行，于是我发上来了，没时间看全文的姐妹，我用红笔标注出了最经典的话


莫妮卡.Liu：
         后天我就要启程去美国了，你的来信我其实早已收到，但是这段时间我一直在整理自己，所以一直没有给你回信。如果我告诉你我最终还是决定离婚，你是否会惊讶。你曾经说，我是你的偶像，从二年前遇到丈夫婚外情到如今，我一直都很冷静，不吵不闹，仍然很坚定地做自己。你问说这是否就是淡定的最高境界，但你不知道，当我跟你说我念到妙榆老师的祈祷文时，哭的无法抑制，其实是想到了自己的遭遇。你说你要做像我一样的女人，优雅，从容，成熟。但是，我想说的是，永远不要成为像我这样的女人。
        不要争辩，听我慢慢说。我和我丈夫是大学同学，毕业后一起去了美国，然后再顺利的一起毕业回国，他发展的很好，我由于第一个孩子的出生一直在家休养。于是他趁机告诉我说，我爱你，不希望你在外面奔波，我可以撑起这个家。于是我跟大多数当时的女人一样，洗手做羹汤，在家相夫教子，但是我比大多数女人明智，我没完全放弃自己的前途，在家做全职太太的那段时间，我努力将我想考的证书都收囊袋中，然后也开起了属于自己的书吧和咖啡馆。其实我和你一样，是个没有安全感的人，于是我只是想给自己的未来留个后路，你曾经问过我，为什么会选择做全职太太，其实作为一个年届三十的女人而言，有个男人还是你很相信的男人告诉你说，我会撑起这个家的，任何女人都无法拒绝这个诱惑的，我也不例外，起码在当时，我认为这个男人是会和我一起走到最后的。
         你说你的母亲一直教导你，全职太太是你永远也不能选择的道路。我现在想告诉你的也是，这条路是你这样的孩子永远不能走的路。你太纯粹。刚认识你的时候就被你经历的那些触动过，想象着小小年纪的你奔跑在自己的梦想大道上，听着你诉说着自己遭受失败后经历的种种心路历程，就确定你不是个安份的孩子，你比大部分你的同龄人都有想法，不然你也不会走上灵修这条路，不会遇见我，很感谢你，在你的启发下，我突发奇想去考了GMAT. 我没想到这个无心之举却成了我今天做这个决定最强有力的后盾。
       去年去台湾，碰到了LINDA，她说她成立了一个工作室，碰到了很多来咨询的中年太太，几乎都是与婚外情相关，她说看到她们的经历，她很害怕走进婚姻，她却不知道我也遭受着同样的困扰，我先生算是比很多婚外情男人理智的很多，不过或许也是我的态度让他有所觉醒，他很决绝地选择与那个女生划清界限，回到我和孩子的身边，很多人疑惑，既然已经如此，为什么要选择离婚，我想她们不理解我。
      年轻的时候，我也有过很多的梦想，只是因为碰到了我先生，仿佛一瞬间，我所有的人生就因为他而改变，甘愿为了他而放弃我所有的梦想。就像我跟我先生说的一样，过去的十多年，我为了你为了孩子付出了我所有的精力，我本以为你能体谅我为你做出的这些牺牲而心怀感激，但是当我接到那个女生打来的电话时，我突然心寒了，就像经营了十几年的世界突然倒了一样，那个时候我才发现，除了你，我变得一文不值，欲哭无泪，我不吵不闹，其实是对自己的鄙视，也是对自己的反省，我恨过你，恨过那个女孩。可是到最后我发现最应该痛恨的是自己。于是我决定离开你，去找回失去了10多年的自己。
      我的母亲说我是疯子，什么自己，什么梦想，都年届40中了，还不知道为了孩子，为了这个家忍辱负重，何况你先生已经回到你身边了。你是否也会说我是个疯子呢？
      这么多年，见过很多姐妹悲惨的遭遇，那个曾经跟你提过的小岑，最终还是被婆家扫地出门了，离开丈夫她却连谋生的能力都没有，我那时就想，如果是我，该怎么办呢。现在很多的漂亮女生，努力为的只是找个长期饭票，可是这个世界上除了你自己，没有任何东西是永远的，即使当下的你觉得是永远的，那也是你自欺欺人的借口而已。最重要的是，除了你自己的美丽，你还能有其他能让你自己立足于这个世界的能力，要知道，这个世界最不缺的就是美女。所以，丢失任何东西也不能丢了自己，如果你自己都迷失了自己，你还指望谁来努力寻找你。
     我跟我先生说，我要去美国，继续我未完成的梦想，他竟然说，给你5年时间，当你拥有了你想要拥有的一切，你还想着回来，我还会在这等你，那个时候你如果想复婚，我无条件答应你。于是我发现，当你有勇气去找回自己的时候，那个曾经看不起你的人也会打心眼里尊重你，两年了，我终于见到了那个一直打电话骚扰我的女生，她哭着求我让我先生回到她身边，我突然觉得她很可怜，一个20出头，应该和你差不多大的女生，却已经为我先生失去过三个孩子了，我问她，何苦为了别人的丈夫这样糟蹋自己，她说她喜欢他的成熟稳重。我说，是成熟稳重还是他现在拥有的一切，她很信誓旦旦地说，她爱的是这个人不是他的钱。于是我说，那你知道他年轻时的稚嫩，冲动和一无所有时的失落与奋斗么，如果你没有经历这些，你没资格跟我说你爱的是他这个人。她语塞了。其实我和她都清楚，像她这么漂亮的女孩子，是不可能跟着自己的爱人经历穷困和潦倒的，我先生吸引他的唯一条件就是他现在拥有的一切。她只期盼能不劳而获，利用她的年轻和美貌去赌个不确定的未来。我可怜她，但是却看不起她。
     最后我跟我先生深谈了一次，他说男人骨子里都有想要尝新鲜的冲动，当有条件有精力有金钱的时候，那些新鲜的诱惑就会自动送上门了，这个时候理智就被抛到脑后了。理智点的知道什么是逢场作戏，稍微不清醒的就真的误以为那是真爱了。他曾经迷失过，因为他能从那个女孩身上得到从我这得不到的激情，崇拜和温柔。但是当他认真地跟她在一起之后发现他们的path不过是在重复我们走过的路，而更不同的是，她比我对他的要求远多过付出。于是他清醒了，多少外遇多少婚外的情感终究都会归于婚姻的平淡。而最开始的那个其实或许才是最合适的。
       听到这段我知道他真的醒悟了，可是我却因为他而第一次对自己失望，这才是我不能继续呆在他身边，不过或许等到我找回了自己，应该会以不一样的面貌回到他身边。只要他真的能等我五年。
       其实今天写这封信的目的一是跟你告别，二是你的来信中提到，你身边很多朋友陆续结婚了，也有很着急结婚的朋友，我希望我能以我这个过来人的身份劝劝你和你所有的朋友：走进婚姻的时候停下来想想，在这段关系中你是否迷失了自己，如果有，请找回自己再走进婚姻，这样你才能幸福。

Things that didnt kill me only make me stronger.

today. I blocked him on facebook and skype. so that i wont be bothered by what he's doing, who he's hanging out with. I wont be tested. i wont be upset. and That's it.
I thought we can just be friends. cuz we never truely liked each other very much. but we cant, that only reminds me of how bad i was treated. how unfair it is. It's emotional drainning. I am only upset.

so many times i have wondered....how do these days we were together actually passed so slow.

Thanks for a good semester. now i am ready for a new adventure.


prayer today...
I am taking my car to the shop tmr...hope it wont cost me too much money.......hope everything is fine with my car.....
keep praying for GRE.
praying that God is showing me his plan
that my parents, my grandparents, my family live healthy and happy and joyful.

I pray in name of Jesus. Amen.

you gave me the ability.

alright, random title. But it was actually from a prayer today. "pray that i have a job, but not simply for the sake of money, but for that you gave me the ability to work."

so Thank god for giving me the ability to paint. and TODAY IS THE DAY.
so i have been thinking about what to paint....then i decide to start painting some paintings that i like. I picked out two paintings from Georgia O'keef. She is famous for painting blow-up flower images...I like her painting for her boldness in using color. and how geometry, and simple her composition is. her painting shows the way she look at things. well...i guess all painting to some degree does....
so i picked out these two.
oops...cant upload pictures...oh well..
so one is a huge blowup flower...and then another is a image of some sort of architecture under a blue blue sky. i never seen her painting an architecture before. and this one is still pretty fascinating. So far i am going with these two. This reminds me of the old high school days how i started painting buildings....in an abstract way. That was an painting competition. my painting was generated from a photo of the skyline of Shanghai. So i abstracted the buildings and everything. and..painted it......i dont know how well the painting really is...tho it received the 2nd National prize of painting and calligraphy...but think about it now. the way that i abstract it...dictates how i look at the building. and maybe that's what's good about it????? maybe.
so ...anyways. i ask myself why dont i do that? paint some architectures in an abstract way...in a way that i see architecture.

hmm...

alright prayer time.
Pray for the people in Germany that they wont get sick from the vegetables or any food they eat. pray that...J..mariela..Travis....Nick...James...etc.etc. will be cautious about what they are eating...and spent quality times when they are in Germany. Pray that they will have good time, good experience. and stay safe.
Pray that Kumi will gain wisdom from you so that he knows what to choose from more education or this current job. and also I thank God that you keep accompanny with him thru his hard time, giving him direction and guidance.
Pray that Ziwei delivers her baby smoothly. =)
hmmm
Pray for my GRE preparation. and that God you will show me my plan thru this summer. and God i just thank you for what you have been doing. Thank you for positioning all these different/important people/friends around me.Thanks for bringing me closer to you thru my good and bad decisions, thru my success and failures.
I pray in names of Jesus. Amen. <3

"I am not weird. I am Limited Edition"

love the quote. i am limited edition.

I guess just quickly write a few things down.
yesterday, i went to a yoga class.....i never been to this one..and it suprise me that almost everybody in there are grandma's age....so i thought it's gonna be bored...not really gonna challenge me, or simply put more strength on my body. BUT IT ACTUALLY TURNS OUT ESPECIALLY WELL.....for a while..i thought of yoga as ...almost POSING. it's what created at the end matters as a FORM. but actually, from form to form is just as important if not more. i think it's more important. For example. it's about feeling your back dropping slowly onto the mat, feeling the slowly touch between the back and the ground. etc. and if yoga is only about posing. then whts so significant about breathing in yoga? It relax your nerves so that you can challenge your body more. but also through breathing, mind becomes more concentrated to the body.
body and space. ..is it about me and the environement? or the little spaces created by my body. both.

Sam came distracted me with good food. as always. so sam and me and mike went to eat at 20/20. it's actually really good. speaking of that. i have never been in project 20/20...

idk whts up with summer. kinda hope i never have to take GRE........now i have so much things to do. and ..so many things are on my mind again. that's just bad. small head loooootsss of stuff.

just have to be strong.

it's all gonna be ok.

i have been asked a few times...or more than a  few times what i am doing this summer. I always wanted to tell them...NOTHING.
if i actually tell them what i am going to do ...it does sounds like ...NOTHING. i am not taking classes in ISU, not working (are you serious!?!?!?!?), no internship either (life suckssssss). but this summer, i have a big mission.
My mission is to figure out...what to do with my life. (well..that sounds...really big) I am going to take time doing what i really like doing, and actually spend time doing it. Painting. Singing. Yoga. Travel. Reading. and maybe even dancing (oh my top secret)...I want to bring things to influence me as a designer, things that will inform my architecture. and archtiecture itself will not do. And at the same time...this is to ENRICH mylife.

The other day. there pop out an idea of filming myself doing yoga. take stills from the films. so i am looking at both the flow of the movement, and the form created by my body at a certain moment. and i want to paint it...or make some models of it. blue phoam models..or copy samamtha's exercise 1 year ago ( yes, the one that i did not do) Life turns around. sometimes it's good to a few things that you dont actulally know why you are doing them. Carry them in your backpack. but because you have done it, one day they will start making sense. and by the time it made sense to you, it had already made who you are. ( excuse my broken english...this is really bad grammar)....
and this time...it's not really that i dont know why i do it...i kinda knows, but just not sure what is it leading towards...well...i might as well right this down, so that i dont forget later...now i am interested in looking at body, and how body creates forms...and becomes art. we will see how that goes.

so..i am writing down what i am doing this summer....as a todo list.
GRE. nail it at the end of June.
portfolio...make it better, put some toys in it, fix NYC project, put solar home in it. (that's a looot project)
Painting....
Yoga classes every day.
Ames choir every Monday
Reading...starting from..."intentions in architecture"..."Seeing is forgetting the name of the thing one sees"..and of course..BIBLE
Travel to the west coast. BY MYSELF.and yes, this is gonna drive me crazy for sure. and i really hope that i am coming back safe and sound and in one piece. details havent been working on yet. but i know i am flying over...and take the train...44 hours to get back.  and you guys! if you dont see me back to school...i must died. unless...something else happened. ahhh i am talking nonsense again.

oh well.
peace out.

"rise and shine!" =P

no secret between friends

Travis Skyped me today. and not gonna lie, i almost bursted out crying when seeing his face. How i wish these people are here with me, so i wouldnt have made such foolish mistakes. how i wish i can get a hug from them, so that it wont be this hard to go through.

but. thank god, it's really not THAT hard. not as hard as it could be.

so ..no secret between friends. i always want my friends to know what i am up to. so yes, i told Travis and Sam what i am dealing with. I was gonna tell John too, but i dont know how to start...so endup just chatting with him. but that's good too.

i really appreciate having you all. and this semester is ending soon. and summer is gonna be good no matter what.

Love all.

and if you see this, wants to know what's going on, dont ask travis and sam. come ask, and i prefer tell you in person.

it takes years to finally understand a person

It takes years to finally understand a person. and when i say this i say it positively. but i did tear up.
This is not the first time that i realize this. but the most recent time was realzing a professor that i had misunderstood for one year.
for some reason, i went back to read an email sent to me a year ago before final review. and suddenly realized she had made so many good points in the email, which is what i want to write in my Datum article. and it was that moment i know it was her that stored all that thoughts in my mind. but i have misunderstood it for the entire time. or cuz i was just so mad at the fact that i dont have a complete project at the final review. BUT I DO. it was me giving up on telling the story of my project, instead of me not havning a final project. in design school, we are dreamers, explorers, curious individuals. We are here to learn not to prove that we are architects. and the review time, or anytime is not a chance to prove my worth, or the worth of my project, but, again to learn, to ask questions, to conclude myself at a current status.

and now i know how valuable it had been.
and i was just so mad that i thought the whole email was just some excuses, some more lies. and now i get a chance to look at it as an outsider, maybe i do appreciate it.

happy making. always.