maybe a tatoo will do

thinking of getting a tattoo, not too eye-catching, just a line of words: strive from modesty. The line curls against neck.
really not doing it for anything else, but to memorize that there were people that were courageous than me. They followed their heart, made their way to what they want to achieve.

You did what i dont dare to do.

Thank you for being with me. 有你们真好

Thank all of you for when i am scared of the world you are always with me. For all the decisions that i make, you are always here to support me.

It's you that makes every movement of mine even more sturdy and confident.

Apr.16th, and that was 2 days ago. I did my performance event, and suprisingly i wasnt a bit nervous about it before hand. I was excited, i was just ready to be who i am, to do what i want to do. My appreciation to everyone that makes this happen, and everyone that was there for the performance. everybody.

It is dedicated to every duckweed in the world, and everything else that gives duckweed a home.

Sheng says to me, the existence of this type of art form itself is amazing. She said, later that day, you are the best today. It's moving.

I think it's the courage that moved her.

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These days, emotionally unstable. as much as i am excited, i am worried, and disappointed at myself. Had a job offer, but seems so far away from my desire. It's a gut feeling that makes me want to resist, that i cant explain. but maybe i will go with it. a dream a desire can always be fulfilled if it's truely a desire and dream of oneself. 

To the other THTREE.

when we were 10, we were the selected 183 out of 3000. When we were 12, we started to be close. When we were 15, you were too brilliant to catch up. however dumb i was, i can always talk to you for a long time. and that is what is precious to me. our friendship didnt change after almost 12 years. We have always been on each others' sides. and that is precious to me. Because of you, i know i was special, have been special, and will always been. Because of you , i know what is outstanding.

I planned a wedding to run away from.

I planned a wedding to run away from.
and yes i did, except that it's not a wedding. it'a event project that i am doing.

But do you know how scared i was.
I am not a panda, i am a turtle. timid, and will go back to my shell when I am scared. I want to be different, to stand out, and that might be the only reason that i am doing this. I have a desire to..transform..myself..to get ready for the real world. but the transformation is painful. I am in serious pain.
The reason is so stupid to even talk about. too stupid to tell another. I did this for my own sake, not for anybody else, not for the progression of human beings.

Someone said, architects should contribute to the society. i just want to do things to fulfill my own desire. my dark secrets are driven force. not the society.

so loser says, which means I say, this is no big deal. As long as i know whts wrong, how to make it better, it will be fine eventually. Transformation is hard. ALL I NEED TO DO IS TO FIGURE IT OUT.


 i will do it again, when i am more ready.

Thanks for all the supports, and the people that got up for my  event.