五年前的时候

五年前，也是春假。我已经开始准备申请arch的portfolio了。比deadline提前了两个月。后来才知道，很多人都是提前1，2个礼拜开始做的。我那个时候觉得。。自己怎么都不会进arch的，又觉得不进arch就没有什么意义了。。。所以很早就说好一定要进arch..
然后进去了也就觉得没什么。
一直以为一直这样下去5年以后自己一定可以figure out . 会像那些大牛一样做出那样的作品。慢慢的我就会figure out 了。所以一开始我没有觉得是自己笨，而是觉得。。。等到毕业的时候就会好的。
骗人呢巴。
我当时到底怎么进得专业？还是学校专业实在太水了，所以。。连我这样的人都可以进。所以5年之后也没有什么太大的变化。
看了那个叫做FAME的电影。里面有一句话说：sometimes we got students that are promising. But they never got beyond that promise. 埃~
3 years later in the movie, everyone has a entirely different paths. The fact that they were enrolled into this outstanding Performing Arts school doesnt make all of them a guaranteed successful performing artists. School is just a platform. you are lucky when you have a good one.
i never stop questioning myself about who i am what i am doing. I wonder if i am only standing out to be different, or controversial, so that maybe i can be outstanding. sad face.
confident cant be taught. mitchell's confidence only build up my ego.但是外强中干阿。。。deep down, i am still questioning myself, every single day. I dont know where i am heading to.

Am I just a dreamer? a non-realistic dreamer?

cheer up.